It's Monday... time for more PR weirdness

My reading comprehension skills are failing me. I can't for the life of me figure out this email, other than that someone wants me to write about something. The thought process that resulted in this piece of PR drivel  is way beyond me, though. Maybe my friends and readers can figure it out. Once again, my own comments are in red.

Hi Gaia, (at least she got my name right)
It’s Father’s Day again and you might be thinking how you should reward yourself for the years of dedication and hard work that you have put into your family.(Because obviously I'm not only a man but also a father)
Take a quick look in the mirror and you might realize that the greasy hamburgers, genetics, and extra beers have left your body in need of a little TLC. (Why, thank you. My vegetarian no-drinking self might forgive this. My mother? not so much)
So what to do? It’s not that you haven’t been to the gym, but nothing can hide the fact that you still suffer from cellulite and a little extra flab that didn’t used to reside on your thighs and stomach.(I'm about ready to cry)
It’s Father’s Day and you deserve to treat yourself to what you really want; a body that more closely resembles the one you had 10 years ago. This is where [our wonderful product] comes into play, offering a perfect solution to a less than perfect dilemma. (Still haven't figured out how my deteriorating girly figure fits in with Father's Day. Maybe I'll ask my dad)
[blah blah blah about how diet, exercise and cosmetics products don't work]
We have partnered with several top physicians in the area and would love to coordinate an interview. Please let me know if you would like any additional information at clueless@prcompany.com or 1-800-fail
Best,
Clueless

How to approach a blogger. A lesson in PR no-nos

Bloggers get all kind of weird to unintentionally hilarious emails from PR people who have absolutely no clue. Despite popular belief, I don't usually use this space to roast them good and well, but this email was too  much. My comments are in red.

Subject: Blogging Opportunity - Unleash Your Inner Blonde with *****
Hi Mónica! (Seriously? A copy & paste fail)
With summer just around the corner I thought you might be interested in learning more about the most requested color in salons: Blonde! (looking up at the name and title of my blog. How in the world did I miss that?)
Blondes are always in high demand (Sure. Rub it in a little more) – it’s the number one requested hair color in salons, representing more than 50% of all color services! (I'm not only a brunette, I also don't get things the first time I read them) Blondes are in high demand because the color rarely occurs in nature and correlates with youthfulness (because we all turn brunette as we age), and now *****  is making sure the most desirable hair color is obtainable for every woman with its two newest color services:
(boring description of Most! Awesome! Product! Ever!  It! Will! Make! You! Blonde!)
If you’re interested in learning more about going blonde and these new products from ***** to share with the readers, let me know! (Obviously. I'm crafting a request for samples as we speak)
I’m working on behalf of ***** to get the word out about their latest and greatest offerings – so if you have any questions, please feel free to ask! (And you're doing a mighty fine job, honey)
Thanks!
**** Poor PR Person

Community Ambassador (which means someone is paying for this fine job)


******
Social Media Marketing (Having an email account a does not a social media expert make)

Seriously?

Two Faced

Yesterday I posted a less than glowing review of an eye shadow Primer by Too Faced Cosmetics. This morning I received a comment disagreeing with my impression, which is utterly fine. Not every product works the same way for everyone and I'm always happy to hear from readers about their own experience with items I write about. But something about that comment smelled fishy to me. I've been doing this blogging thing since 2006 and have learned a thing or two in the process. So I went to my visitor counter and found the information you see in the screen shot above.

That's a screen capture from my visitor log. You can verify its authenticity since my Site Meter statistics are public and viewable if you click the link on the right . Look for the 9:58:45 am visit, which is when the comment in question was left.

Dear Too Faced Cosmetics PR and marketing department, is that how you reach out to bloggers and communicate with your customers? Seriously? Did you think I wouldn't notice? Do you also post fake reviews on Sephora's site?

I've been through similar crap before. Next thing I usually get an apologetic email telling me the person who did it is new or an intern or the owner's niece and hasn't been briefed yet on netiquette, because the company has the utmost respect for bloggers and never does these things.

Whatever.

Apparently, Sarah Palin is now working in PR

Previously on the Non-Blonde: A press release for a lipstick managed to annoy me on several levels.

If you look at the comments on that post, you'll see an anonymous rambling one that makes very little sense. Of course, nothing on the web is really anonymous and you can imagine where it came from. IP numbers do not lie. But just to drive home the point, the PR person sent me an email that seemed to be written in Palinese, berating me not just for my lacking sense of humor, but also for not supporting the Breast Cancer Awareness cause.

If you're scratching your heads now, I don't blame you. You saw the press release that focused on the Shiksa theme. There was no mention of the Breast Cancer Awareness issue, which wouldn't make much of a difference, really. The Shiksa makeover for the poor Jewish girl angle would still be just as idiotic. But supposedly, I should have done "a little more research" (direct quote) to discover the good intentions paving this road to hell.

I don't think so.

The Bad Marketing Syndrome

Or: How to lose potential clients and alienate a blogger or two

Apparently, I'm lacking sass. Because I'm Jewish (it's the nose, I'm telling you). But don't fret. A press release from the PR company that handles makeup artist Ramy Gafni and his product line has the cure for me: A pink lipstick.
Confused? Don't be. Here's the brilliant pitch I received today:

What Do A Male Makeup Artist And Jewish Author Have In Common?
Author Taps Makeup Guru RAMY For Creative Spark, Inspires Limited Edition Lipstick

Do Shiksas really have more fun? Ramy Gafni, NYC’s celebrity makeup artist and brow guru thinks so. He has partnered with author Laurie Graff, to create a limited edition Shiksa Goddess Lipstick to coincide with the debut of Graff’s novel The Shiksa Syndrome. This lipstick has so much sass, you are sure to forget about the Challah!


SHIKSA: n. Yiddish
1. A non – Jewish woman
2. A quintessential blonde beauty
3. The polar opposite of the quintessential Jewish mother
4. A type of woman who instills deep longing in Jewish men
5. A Jewish boy’s dream
6. A Jewish girl’s nightmare

Seriously?

Would the lipstick make me tall and blonde? Is it going to make my nose smaller? Should I change my blog's name to something sexier for the sake of Jewish boys who dream of Shiksas?

Does anyone really think that it's a good idea to push a product with the message that one needs to hide/change/deny their heritage in order to look more appealing?
(At least they didn't mention gefilte fish. We should all be thankful)

I was asked earlier today if I'm offended by this spiel. I'm not. Ramy Gafny is Jewish and I doubt he or anyone at the PR firm had any bad intentions. I just find the whole thing beyond stupid. And challa has too many carbs, anyway.

Edited to add: Follow Up (and more bad marketing) here.

Image: from Segment no. 3 of New York Stories, Woody Allen's Oedipus Wrecks. The Jewish mother appears in the sky to berate her son until his relationship with the shiksa (Mia Farrow) falls apart and he replaces her with a Jewish psychic (Julie Kavner). Woody has made a career of lusting after blonde shiksas only to marry Soon-Yi.

War and Peace: More about the Bond no. 9 Issue

I (and at least one other blogger) got a comment on my last Bond no. 9 post. Here it is:

NYC Perfumista has left a new comment on your post "How I saved $230":

In response to standard actions regarding a Bond No. 9 trademark infringement,Ms. Zorn has personally waged war on us by Internet and by telephone.
For the information of those who support her based on these postings, etc., we thought it only fair to publish the following document. While waging said war, she sent this letter to the attorneys of Bond No. 9, declaring her 'peaceful' resolution. She has, in essence, committed the very offense to which she claims (without merit) Bond No. 9 has affronted her.
Bond No. 9 is a small, entrepreneurial company run by one woman who spends a lot of time and money protecting it—her life’s work—and the scope of this company includes her trademarks. As a small business owner, and given the significant portion of her budget required to secure the names and phrases that are essential to the success of her business, she strongly defends them all.
The creative spirit of Bond No. 9 is copied every day by various companies, large and small, and we protect our rights in all cases. Laurice encourages everyone to be creative and to protect their ideas.Two Springs ago she had the idea to launch a Peace fragrance at the United Nations and donate to UNICEF for that first year. Since 2007, the donations have been to Seeds of Peace (http://seedsofpeace.org/), and Laurice continues to donate for Peace. The Scent of Peace is a top selling fragrance which allows us to donate a large amount of money to charity, and we're very pleased

The first annoying thing is the lack of name and title. Hiding behind a fake blogger account doesn't give anyone more credibility, and as my readers, friends and family know, this blog has always been open to comments from everyone, no need to create an account (and a silly user name. NYC Perfumista? Really?).

If you're Ms Rahme, her assistant, or her PR person, own up to it. Post your name and your email address the way all of us do.

I also don't appreciate using my blog for spammy content. You're welcome to respond directly to the points I've made, like everyone else did. But spewing empty PR crap which you copy and paste all over the blogsphere is not cool. Those of us who write and read about the perfume and beauty industry know how to spot commercial prose from miles away, which is what this comment is. There's no real substance here, from attacking Ms. Zorn to playing the "poor me" card.

Seriously, Bond no. 9 has several Manhattan boutiques and is sold at Saks. That might be "small and entrepreneurial " compared to Kenzo and Avon who also have Peace themed fragrances, but don't make me gag. It's not anywhere near the small artisan houses Bond decided to bully. And perfumistas (real ones, I mean) know the difference.

You can see the copy/paste campaign on my friends' blogs:
Pansy's Rants
The Lipstick Page

War and Peace movie image from IMDB